I was scrolling through my Facebook page today and saw this video about a random ball pit and total strangers sitting in it, talking together. It was really pretty interesting, the topics they discussed and things they discovered about each other. There were conversation suggestions written on some of the balls that each pairing talked about. One in particular struck a chord with me.
The topic was “Talk about the experience that changed your life”. Now, this could be any number of things depending on the person. It could be a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe you lost your parents early in life, or perhaps it was getting baptized. How about finally getting up the nerve to face your fears? Any one of these things, or any other infinite number of possibilities, could be a life changer.
For me, the first thing that came to mind was not my move to a new state after high school, not my marriage or having my kids. Those of you who really know me may also be surprised when I tell you it wasn’t welcoming Jesus into my life either.
No, for me the pivotal event in my life was my divorce.
When I moved from Nebraska to Colorado, the summer after my senior year of high school, I was still the same introverted, low self-esteem girl – just in a different setting. When I got married and had children, while these were important moments, that shy girl was still there peeking out from behind my apron strings. Even after accepting Christ, the woman I was to become was barely a shadow in my thoughts.
Divorce was my crucible. The metal of my very being was smelt in the fires of stress, despair and loneliness.
Being a single parent was not something I had ever imagined and I was sure I would fail miserably. That, however, was thankfully not left up to me. Through the course of the first few months I bought a car, had to move from a house to an apartment, and had to apply for assistance programs because I only had a part-time job. Over the next year I went to a full-time position at work, was able to move off assistance and with the help of family, friends and a wonderful church community I struggled a little less.
With each passing year the overwhelming stress grew slightly lighter, the sharp pain of loneliness subsided to an occasional ache and my despair was eased by my ever-growing faith. At the same time, I think without my noticing it for quite awhile, I became less introverted, more self-assured. It wasn’t a constant thing, this feeling of acceptance from within, but it was surfacing more and more often.
I became more involved at church, involved in PTA at the kid’s school – even doing a stint as PTA President, and received more promotions at work. I was no longer afraid to speak my mind, not so worried that someone may not like me if I did. That didn’t matter to me anymore. I deserved to be heard as much as anyone else, my opinions were no less valuable than anyone else’s.
To this day I am amazed and in complete awe of the transformation God has brought about in my life. I can look back and see that through all of the pain and sorrow a new life was burgeoning. Something so splendid and fulfilling it could only be of God.
I pray that I will serve His purpose for my life. I have only to keep my heart and mind open. I am no longer that shy, introverted little girl. Some would even say I am exactly the opposite. And while there will still be pain, there will still be sorrow and even occasional loneliness, I know He is always with me.
All of this, from a sentence written in a ball pit
Just Breathing... 