A New Beginning

Today I became unemployed, laid off from my job

It’s an odd feeling.  The last time I was unemployed it was by choice, back in the 90’s.  I had two children and my husband and I decided I would stay home to take care of them.  I didn’t “work” again until 7 years later, after my third child had been born, the very year I became a single parent.  I’ve been with the same company all this time, over twelve years.  I worked my way up from entry level to management within the first two years and have been in that position ever since.

I haven’t been happy with my job for some time.  I was in that place where I didn’t quite feel all my talents were being utilized and yet it was a secure job, steady paychecks and paid vacation, it was familiar – so I stayed.  I had children to raise and provide for so why would I jeopardize a stable income.  Makes sense, right?

How many of us, though, stick with something even when we’re not happy?  Why do we do that?  Is it laziness?  Is it apathy?  More likely it’s fear.

Fear of losing that stability.  Fear of being rejected somewhere else.  Fear of changing.  What if I make a mistake and choose the wrong kind of job?  What if something happens to that business and I get laid off?  What if they won’t work with me on vacation time?

Then there is the ever popular defeatist self-talk and insecurities.  I’m too old to change jobs/careers.  I won’t get along with anyone in a new office.  I’ll feel stupid because I’m new or can’t learn things as quickly as I used to when I was younger.  After twelve years, ten of those years performing basically the same duties, that last example comes to my mind a lot.

Here’s the thing: The fear, the negative voice in your head – it will weigh you down and keep you from doing what brings you joy – that thing God wants you to do!

God knew I was unhappy, but He also knew I wouldn’t leave the security my job provided.  I’d procrastinate, I’d tell myself things would get better or I’d feel differently, that it was just a little valley I’d climb out of soon enough.  The problem was what I was placing my security in – a job instead of God.

Luke 12:23-25 “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no store room nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable are you than the birds?  And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span?”

I have this picture in my dining room that says “Faith is taking that first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase”.  I know I’ve written on this subject before but it’s so true, isn’t it?  If we really, truly held all our troubles up to God we wouldn’t worry.  Of course, then we wouldn’t be human either, there is that…

So, I think God decided it was time for a push.  Is being laid off the worst thing in the world?  No, not even close.  I have family, friends and my church for support.  I’ve been through harder times, with God’s help, and I’ll get through this as well.  Am I nervous?  Absolutely.  Do I trust that God has something right around the corner?  Completely.  I will file unemployment, submit paperwork for assistance programs and, God willing, won’t lose my apartment or my car.  Even if I do, I know my daughter and I will be fine.

After all this am I still worried? Yeah, I am human after all.  I’m also keeping myself open to possibilities, looking for that door or window to swing wide.

Waiting for that door or window to swing wide….

God…

Waiting…

Okay, yes Sir, you’re right – Patience is a virtue…